It’s hard living in suburban Boston, especially this last year. No sooner than the Patriots had won an improbable Super Bowl victory (seriously – Seattle passed in that situation?) than we got pounded by more than a month of storm after storm totaling over 110” of snow. Spring was very cold (a good thing or all that snow would have caused flooding) and now we have been hit by what they are calling a “Pollen Tsunami” – weather conditions have made allergy season one of the worst in years and now the black flies are starting to come out – yeah, it uncomfortable to be here.

What’s made life here absolutely insufferable has been “deflategate”. While it’s been a positive time for those living in areas that do not like the Patriots (read: the entire planet outside of this place), I can’t wait for it to all just go away. I’m happy to see a richly deserved punishment be served, but the amount of whining, crying, nonsensical arguments that permeates things here makes me think another 110” of snow might be a good thing – at least there would be something else to talk about.

If I didn’t know better I’d think I was living in North Korea, with a populace all speaking with one mind and fueled by a reinforcing media echo chamber representing the same viewpoint over and over again. Turn on the TV or the radio and all you’ll hear are stories about how Tom Brady and the Patriots have been horribly wronged. The 11 o’clock news starts with a piece or two about harsh and unprecedented punishment being handed down. Next, the head sports anchor gives his opinion on how wrong the whole thing is, followed by a man on the street piece where they ask people what they think about deflategate and get stooge after stooge crying about poor Brady and the Patriots.

Not once have I seen anyone, even media types who are supposed to strive for some sort of balance, stop and suggest that perhaps Brady did something wrong and deserved some sort of punishment for his actions and/or his efforts to hide those actions. No teachable moments for kids about sportsmanship or the importance of integrity. Instead of showing your kids what happens if you play fast and loose with the rules or stonewall an investigation, why not take the kids out to buy a new Brady jersey – they’re selling like hotcakes. Not enough? How about forking over some of your hard earned paycheck to the ridiculous GoFundMe page setup for fans to help the poor Patriots pay the stiff $1 million fine.

If you live somewhere where there is some sanity (or at least another side to) this situation, consider yourself lucky. Let me give you a little taste of what you’ll hear here unless you stick pointy objects into your ears:

“Tom Brady Didn’t Do Anything Wrong” – Yeah, Tommy didn’t do anything wrong if you truly believe he had absolutely no idea that footballs were being doctored to his liking and that he was completely in the dark about the main tool of his craft. Underlings did “things” (we don’t know exactly what) to the footballs, but Tom knew nothing about it. Sorry, unless you’re insane, this does not pass the smell test of common sense. Even if you believe that, how do you explain Tom’s lack of cooperation by failing to turn over electronic records (texts and e-mails) and by having a flurry of contact with minor equipment figures right after the whole deflated ball story broke? How do you deny even knowing these guys?

“There’s No Proof Tom Brady Did Anything Wrong” – OK, I might agree with you on that, depending on the defined standard of proof. We don’t have direct proof (a recording) or a confession, so if that’s what you feel is the standard of proof you win – case not proven. That’s a pretty high standard – even better than in criminal cases where the standard is “beyond a reasonable doubt”. If this is your standard you probably also win – had this been a criminal matter I’m not sure you would find any district attorney who would find enough proof to bring charges. Fortunately, the Wells report conveniently described their standard of proof and did so plainly in the report’s first footnote – “more probable than not”. That may seem like a low standard, but without any ability to subpoena witnesses and evidence it really makes it hard to prove anything, especially if witnesses don’t want to cooperate and turn over evidence (see also Brady, Tom). Tom Brady wouldn’t be at any risk of going to jail in a criminal trial, but when the standard is essentially a logical “smell test” he loses.

“What’s The Big Deal – We’re Talking a Little Air in a Football” – I agree that a little air left out of a football probably isn’t going to suddenly make a bad team a Super Bowl champ, but I do think it provides some measure of advantage to a team and thus if only one team gets that advantage it is unfair. Softer footballs are easier to catch and grip – probably easier to throw as well. A mathematical analysis of the frequency of Patriots fumbles shows they are outliers – if the lack of air in the football is responsible for such an unusually lower fumble rate then I think the advantage gained by deflating footballs is much bigger than most people realize.

“A 4 Game Suspension is Way Out Of Line” – Actually, it’s not. I predicted a 4 game suspension, as did many sports analysts. I don’t know how much of that can be attributed to the fact that Tom Brady probably knew about unsportsmanlike activity and how much can be attributed to his lack of cooperation, but the total suspension seems about right. There’s not much precedent to work with and the NFL has been so bad at setting discipline that it’s kind of hard to figure out what is the right amount of suspension time – if it was really outside of what most people would consider reasonable I think you would be hearing from people outside of Patriots Nation that the penalty was harsh – the only crying I’m hearing seems to be coming from Boston.

“Brady Gets 4 Games for Soft Footballs, Ray Rice Gets 2 Games for Knocking a Woman Out Cold” – True, Brady’s suspension is twice as bad as what Ray Rice got for cold cocking his wife in an elevator – anyone want to try and defend that punishment? Think the NFL would like to have a mulligan on that decision? I get that Brady’s punishment was worse than Rice’s, but that doesn’t mean that Brady’s punishment is too light – it means that ray Rice’s was way too easy! After the entire world realized that the Rice punishment was completely absurd the NFL had to rethink it – they looked like idiots and there were questions about whether Roger Goodell would survive as commissioner. On a second attempt the league suspended Rice indefinitely (that’s way more than 4 games) and that has effectively become a lifetime suspension (does anyone thing we are going to see Ray Rice again out on the field?). Someone here actually sent me a tweet that Brady’s punishment was offensive to women – that’s some twisted logic there – Ray Rice’s punishment was offensive to women (or just about anyone else, for that matter) – Brady’s punishment has nothing to do with women. Brady may have received a harsher punishment in a post Ray Rice environment than before that fiasco because the league doesn’t want to be seen as going too easy all the time, but thems the breaks – in criminal cases sometimes you get a tough judge instead of an easy one. Remember also that discipline is not this league’s forte – they punish guys every week for not having their socks pulled up or for a hit that wasn’t flagged during the game but suddenly somebody watching on tape thinks is worthy of a fine – that’s life in the NFL.

“They Hate Us ‘Cause They Ain’t Us” – I’ll admit it – when you’ve been good for a long time you have a target on your back – it’s no coincidence that New England’s success had bred hatred for them across the country – we all have our petty jealousies. What’s upsetting though is if you feel that the success New England has enjoyed has been because they had an unfair advantage – say, a video of your defensive calls or a football that was easier to hold onto in cold weather. Listen, I’ll probably hate you if you beat my team almost every time we play, but I’ll respect you if you’re just the better team. If I feel you beat me because you bent the rules, I’ll definitely hate you (and wish hateful things upon you).

“All Teams Bend the Rules” – Wow, if your best argument is that yeah, you broke the rules but so does everyone else, you are scraping the bottom of the barrel and may want to take a time out to learn about sportsmanship. I honestly don’t know what other teams do, but I imagine they will try and take what they can get – Atlanta just got nailed for pumping in crowd noise. That stuff has got to go, regardless of who is doing it. If the league wants to crack down on rule bending it must find the offenders and punish them – I’d say that’s exactly what they did with Atlanta and New England – who knows who is next?

Look, I get it – how you view this whole episode depends on the jersey you have in your closet – I’d probably be on the other side of this thing if it were the Bills. I get that Brady probably made a calculated decision not to cooperate – he’s probably better off with people having doubt about his guilt than turning over evidence that could have proven it – that’s the smart thing to do. I even get that New England’s fine and loss of draft picks seem harsh considering the Wells report specifically exonerated the coaching staff and ownership of wrongdoing – that part of the penalty seems incongruous, but I guess it’s for a pattern of past behavior and institutional non-cooperation. Just please, please, please – either bring some sanity to the above arguments or just stop talking about this thing – I’d hate to have to go to North Korea for a change of scenery.