December is month full of traditions - gathering with family, making a holiday meal with special recipes, gift-giving. The Bills also have a December tradition - of playing lackluster garbage football that makes you want to vomit.
After last week's loss to Philadelphia we knew it was over - a 16th year without a playoff appearance. Having seen it so many times I forgot that technically the Bills still had a chance at the postseason, something on the order of me hitting Powerball. I've got to admit, knowing the Bills were out of it allowed me to focus on the plethora of holiday tasks on my plate. And so I sat down to watch the game and I figured it would go one of two ways - A) the Bills play extremely well in all phases of the game and look like world beaters, finally living up to their potential, too little, too late, or B) come out completely flat, unable to do anything right and leave you wondering how you ever thought this team had the potential to win more than 8 games. If you guessed the Bills would show the latter option rather than the former, you win a Whammy Weenie, complete with lead paint.
Yes sir, the 'ole December run for the bus I'm already on the golf course mentally game - a true winter classic for the Bills. Impervious to new players, new coaches and even new ownership, the December flop is something we've all seen time and time again - it seems to be a hallmark of the institutional rot that is the Buffalo Bills. I should have known the game was going to go this way - the Bills never have their "put it all together" game until they are officially eliminated - no use in playing up to high expectations while it might actually help the Bills take the next step in their development. If enough guys on the team care to be embarrassed they might just put up a solid game in the next two weeks - to show what might have been and really piss off the fans.
Sunday's debacle really had me wondering how I could have been suckered into thinking that the Bills were ready to step up and make the playoffs. Did I really think that they had top defense and enough weapons on defense to keep them in almost any game on their schedule? Did I really think that Rex Ryan would take a top defense from last year and make them even better? How could I have been so foolish? I consider myself a hardened Bills fan - after all these years I'm a hardcore prove-it-to-me pessimist - how did I stray so far from that?
I'm not quite sure even how to describe Sunday's game - it was just a total train wreck from start to finish and that's probably generous - most people are curious enough to actually want to look at a train wreck. The game was pretty much over as soon as it started - Washington took the opening kickoff 84 yards on 10 plays and put up a touchdown - the proverbial hot knife through butter. They did the same with their next two possessions and nearly put up a fourth touchdown but the clock ran out. The Bills allowed 265 yards of offense in the first half along and went to the locker room down by three touchdowns - a truly pathetic performance. The vaunted defensive line wasn't getting to Kirk Cousins and wasn't stopping the run. When a pass was completed often times there wasn't a white jersey in the same ZIP code.
Offensively the Bills were a study in futility. They actually moved the ball on their first drive, but dumb plays (putting Cyrus Kuoandjio in motion - really?) and pre-snap penalties killed it. Forced to punt, Colton Schmidt botched the put so badly it netted only 12 yards and nobody could quite explain just what happened (I saw it and the best description I had was that it looked like when I tried to teach my daughter to punt - she was six). Their next two possessions were both 3-and-outs for negative yards. The Bills finally drove down to the 1-inch line on their 4th possession, but left empty handed after four straight shots at the end zone - totally pathetic.
The second half wasn't much better than the first. The Bills managed a field goal to start the second half after a silly wildcat play to E.J. Manuel failed to gain the needed 3 yards, possibly the most predictable play ever. The Bills looked like keystone cops on the next Washington offensive play when two defenders allowed DeSean Jackson to catch a long bomb, then ran into each other and let him spin out to run the ball in for a 77-yard touchdown.
The Bills tried to make a game out of it in the second half and even pulled within 11-points at 28-17, but of course the Bills allowed Washington to score on their next possession and the Bills were then down 35-17. With less than 5 minutes to go in the third quarter the Bills finally forced a punt! One of the Washington coaches went to find and wakeup their punter.
If you look at the final game statistics the magnitude of the loss seems much greater. Despite the early departure of LeSean McCoy , the Bills still pounded out 240 rushing yards and Tyrod Taylor threw for another 235 yards and the Bills still lost. In 112 games in NFL history since 1940 where team has made such gains, only 4 have been losses. Congratulations, Buffalo - not only were you bad, you were epically, historically bad!
After the game Rex Ryan claimed that the problem was not a lack of effort and there was no quit in the team - I'm wondering what game he was watching because it was pretty evident from the get-go that there was great disinterest in the game. Taking a solid defense and taking them several steps backwards is one thing, but don't insult us as fans - we know apathy when we see it and the guys in white had plenty of it.
As bad as it was, the loss didn't do much except put the final nail in the playoff coffin - something that was all but already done. If you're crushed by what the loss means you're one of the biggest optimists ever, and I question how you ended up being a Bills fan (lost a bet?). The 'ole December Flop is the univers's way of telling Bills fans that they need to get off their butts and focus on the other holiday traditions that don't involve football and the prep work that goes along with them. Go do some shopping, bake some cookies, string some lights and send some cards - so many better ways to spend time than watching a team that can't ever seem to get it right.