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The Bills Cursed My Radio
Will I Ever Hear Music Again?
by Tony Bogyo
November 20, 2003

The Buffalo Bills have made my life tough these days. Like the other members of Bills Nation, the putrid display I’ve witnessed week in and week out (I’m told it’s professional football but I’m not sure I’d agree with that) has taken its toll on me.

It’s tough to get out of bed. It’s tough to drink coffee out of my Bills mug. It’s tough to put on my Bills leather jacket. It’s tough to get into my car with the Bills license plate holders and Bills silver emblem on the back. It’s tough to sit in my office with a huge 3’x5’ Bills flag on the wall. It’s tough to work with Patriots fans who like to drop in and ask stupid questions like, “What’s up with your Bills? They suck, huh?”.

Most of all, it’s tough to write this weekly column.

In the vast number of sportswriters, both professional and amateur, I like to stand out by injecting some humor into my weekly musings on the team. In weeks past it was easier, but as the Bills regressed to 2000 3-13 form things were harder to find funny. I’m a fan of gallows humor – if you’re going to be miserable you might as well laugh, right? Week 12 is upon us and I’ve even run out of gallows humor – railing against a lack of a running game, an offense, and offensive coordinator, a coaching staff, etc. can only be funny for so long, and I think that ran out weeks ago. I’m spent.

Maybe it’s the emotional toll the season has taken upon the diehard fans like me, or perhaps it’s the vicious deadlines imposed upon me by my editors at Bills Daily, but the Bills have weighed heavily on my mind as I’ve sunk into depression and angst. Maybe it’s just that damn chowdah again.

As I drove home from Boston after watching the game with the Boston Bills Backers, I put on the radio. Sports radio had on a NASCAR race (naturally), so I was reduced to a mad station flipper – I guess in my agitated state after the loss I was searching hopelessly for something to ease the pain of losing to a Houston team at home. A team ranked 31st in defense, missing many starters, missing their quarterback, who didn’t allow us to score a touchdown in our own house.

If you’ve ever had a tragic emotional loss (a death, a breakup, etc.), you’ve probably noticed how you start listening to song lyrics and thinking they must have been written just for you. At no time was this clearer than on my drive home on Sunday.

[NASCAR Racing]

…and Bobby LeBonte leads the pack here at Bubbaville Motor Speedway…with only 65873 laps to go he looks like he’s running tight and just bearing down. You know he went for a tire change on lap 4269 to a grade 6 slick and that’s made all the difference…


[Loser, Beck]

Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?

Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?


[Lonesome Loser, The Little River Band]

Have you heard about the lonesome loser
He’s a loser but he still keeps on trying


[You Can’t Win, Michael Jackson]

You can't win
You can't break even
And you can't get out of the game
People keep sayin'
Things are gonna change
But they look us like
You're stayin' the same


[Relax, Frankie Goes to Hollywood]

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to run
Relax don't do it
When you want to run
When you want to run


[Hey Drew, The Beatles]

Hey Drew, don't make it bad
Take a sad team and make it better
Remember to hold on tight to the ball,
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Drew, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get hit
The minute you’re getting into the grasp
Then you begin to throw it away

And anytime you feel the sack
Hey Drew refrain
Don't carry the team upon your shoulders
You know you’re a stonewall
Who coughs up the ball
And makes us fans feel a little colder


[WJSC, Religious Programming]

…Folks, there’s evil in the world and He knows it. He smites those that would go against His will and brings them pain and suffering for all eternity. Why, just the other day I read of the misery befalling Western New York and other places around the world. They suffer deeply every time their football team takes the field. They have been afflicted with a terrible coaching staff and a group of players God has commanded to execute poorly every week. Yes folks, God hates Bills fans…


[Born To Pass, Bruce Springsteen]

…It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap
We gotta get out ‘cuz Gilbride’s a jackass
`Cause teams like us, baby we were born to pass…


[Take This Team and Shove It, David Allen Coe]

…Take this team and shove it, I ain’t watchin’ them no more.
They suck so bad I puked my lunch up on the floor
Gilbride’s a moron, Williams is incompetent and Donahoe’s a bore
Take this team and shove it, I ain’t watchin’ them no more…


[We Are the Losers, Queen]

I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I've come through

We are the losers - my friends
And we'll keep on losing - till the end
We are the losers
We are the loser
No time for winners
'Cause we are the losers - of the league…


[My Girl, The Temptations]

I called passing on a running play.
When it doesn’t work it’s me you’ll want to slay
I guess you’d say,
What would make me disobey?
My boss, (my boss, my boss)
Talkin ‘bout my boss (Greggy!)…

I could swear that was Kevin Gilbride singing that one! Now I’m hearing things!

That’s it! I’ve had enough of this damn radio! I’m turning it off altogether. I can’t take it anymore – this crappy team on a losing streak has me going out of my mind! Everything I do, see or hear reminds me of this terrible season! Time to go home and watch the Bengals game I taped. Watching them always makes me feel better as a Bills fan. No matter how bad the Bills play, at least they aren’t the hapless Bengals. The Bengals! I can’t even imagine how badly they got destroyed by the undefeated Chiefs…

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