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The Bills Cursed My Radio
Will I Ever Hear Music Again?
by Tony Bogyo
November 20, 2003

The Buffalo Bills have made my life tough these days. Like the other members of Bills Nation, the putrid display Iíve witnessed week in and week out (Iím told itís professional football but Iím not sure Iíd agree with that) has taken its toll on me.

Itís tough to get out of bed. Itís tough to drink coffee out of my Bills mug. Itís tough to put on my Bills leather jacket. Itís tough to get into my car with the Bills license plate holders and Bills silver emblem on the back. Itís tough to sit in my office with a huge 3íx5í Bills flag on the wall. Itís tough to work with Patriots fans who like to drop in and ask stupid questions like, ďWhatís up with your Bills? They suck, huh?Ē.

Most of all, itís tough to write this weekly column.

In the vast number of sportswriters, both professional and amateur, I like to stand out by injecting some humor into my weekly musings on the team. In weeks past it was easier, but as the Bills regressed to 2000 3-13 form things were harder to find funny. Iím a fan of gallows humor Ė if youíre going to be miserable you might as well laugh, right? Week 12 is upon us and Iíve even run out of gallows humor Ė railing against a lack of a running game, an offense, and offensive coordinator, a coaching staff, etc. can only be funny for so long, and I think that ran out weeks ago. Iím spent.

Maybe itís the emotional toll the season has taken upon the diehard fans like me, or perhaps itís the vicious deadlines imposed upon me by my editors at Bills Daily, but the Bills have weighed heavily on my mind as Iíve sunk into depression and angst. Maybe itís just that damn chowdah again.

As I drove home from Boston after watching the game with the Boston Bills Backers, I put on the radio. Sports radio had on a NASCAR race (naturally), so I was reduced to a mad station flipper Ė I guess in my agitated state after the loss I was searching hopelessly for something to ease the pain of losing to a Houston team at home. A team ranked 31st in defense, missing many starters, missing their quarterback, who didnít allow us to score a touchdown in our own house.

If youíve ever had a tragic emotional loss (a death, a breakup, etc.), youíve probably noticed how you start listening to song lyrics and thinking they must have been written just for you. At no time was this clearer than on my drive home on Sunday.

[NASCAR Racing]

Öand Bobby LeBonte leads the pack here at Bubbaville Motor SpeedwayÖwith only 65873 laps to go he looks like heís running tight and just bearing down. You know he went for a tire change on lap 4269 to a grade 6 slick and thatís made all the differenceÖ


[Loser, Beck]

Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?

Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?


[Lonesome Loser, The Little River Band]

Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Heís a loser but he still keeps on trying


[You Canít Win, Michael Jackson]

You can't win
You can't break even
And you can't get out of the game
People keep sayin'
Things are gonna change
But they look us like
You're stayin' the same


[Relax, Frankie Goes to Hollywood]

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to run
Relax don't do it
When you want to run
When you want to run


[Hey Drew, The Beatles]

Hey Drew, don't make it bad
Take a sad team and make it better
Remember to hold on tight to the ball,
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Drew, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get hit
The minute youíre getting into the grasp
Then you begin to throw it away

And anytime you feel the sack
Hey Drew refrain
Don't carry the team upon your shoulders
You know youíre a stonewall
Who coughs up the ball
And makes us fans feel a little colder


[WJSC, Religious Programming]

ÖFolks, thereís evil in the world and He knows it. He smites those that would go against His will and brings them pain and suffering for all eternity. Why, just the other day I read of the misery befalling Western New York and other places around the world. They suffer deeply every time their football team takes the field. They have been afflicted with a terrible coaching staff and a group of players God has commanded to execute poorly every week. Yes folks, God hates Bills fansÖ


[Born To Pass, Bruce Springsteen]

ÖIt's a death trap, it's a suicide rap
We gotta get out Ďcuz Gilbrideís a jackass
`Cause teams like us, baby we were born to passÖ


[Take This Team and Shove It, David Allen Coe]

ÖTake this team and shove it, I ainít watchiní them no more.
They suck so bad I puked my lunch up on the floor
Gilbrideís a moron, Williams is incompetent and Donahoeís a bore
Take this team and shove it, I ainít watchiní them no moreÖ


[We Are the Losers, Queen]

I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I've come through

We are the losers - my friends
And we'll keep on losing - till the end
We are the losers
We are the loser
No time for winners
'Cause we are the losers - of the leagueÖ


[My Girl, The Temptations]

I called passing on a running play.
When it doesnít work itís me youíll want to slay
I guess youíd say,
What would make me disobey?
My boss, (my boss, my boss)
Talkin Ďbout my boss (Greggy!)Ö

I could swear that was Kevin Gilbride singing that one! Now Iím hearing things!

Thatís it! Iíve had enough of this damn radio! Iím turning it off altogether. I canít take it anymore Ė this crappy team on a losing streak has me going out of my mind! Everything I do, see or hear reminds me of this terrible season! Time to go home and watch the Bengals game I taped. Watching them always makes me feel better as a Bills fan. No matter how bad the Bills play, at least they arenít the hapless Bengals. The Bengals! I canít even imagine how badly they got destroyed by the undefeated ChiefsÖ

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